six degrees of Real Madrid separation

(Click on image for full size.  I apologize in advance for my Photoshop skills.)

With all the rumors surrounding Cristiano Ronaldo recently, I thought it would be a good time to produce some kind of guide, so you could follow along, especially if you don’t have too much knowledge of the prensa rosa.

So here it is, your guide to the almost incestuous extracurricular activities of several Real Madrid stars.  As you can see, it appears that the same guys and girls are recycled in the Spanish dating scene.  And believe me, I could have linked Guti and Raúl as well (and Becks too), but I didn’t do it, since I ran out of space.

To use the guide, first familiarize yourself with the legend.  A red connector means that the pair is dating, has dated, or was married.  A purple connector means that the pair in question is alleged to have hooked up.  And a blue connector signifies family.

I also found that the professions of the protagonists can be divided into three main groups:  athletes, TV-related, and fame whores.  Therefore, the circle surrounding each person’s picture represents their occupation – orange for being a model/TV presenter/former Miss Spain/actress or any combination of those four, yellow for being related to the world of sports as a footballer, bullfighter or sports agent, and green for being a fame whore, or famous for nothing.

Still with me?  Then let’s move on!  A word of advice:  you will need your utmost concentration to untangle this web.

Here are the explanations for the connections between each pair.

1.  Former Real Madrid footballer Ronaldo is alleged to have dated Miss Spain 2002 Vania Millán back in 2003, and she was present at his infamous birthday party that same year.

2.  Vania in turn started dating René Ramos back in 2008.  I’m not sure if they’re still together because I really don’t care.

3.  René is of course the older brother and agent of Sergio Ramos.

4.  Sergio is alleged to have hooked up with Nereida Gallardo back in November 2007 after meeting at a Madrid nightclub (she apparently slept with him that night).

5.  Nereida is “famous” of course for dating Cristiano Ronaldo for several months in 2008.  She slept with him the night she met him too and he dumped her by text message.

6.  Cristiano is said to have hooked up recently with Naya, a native of Málaga.  She said if he were a pizza, he’d be a family-sized pizza, and told her that fat girls suck it better.  She was also paid €4,000 to sleep with him.  Classy.

7.  Naya became “famous” when she dated Paquirrín (real name: Francisco Rivera Pantoja), the son of late bullfighter Francisco Rivera and singer Isabel Pantoja, in 2008.  That is his sole claim to fame.  He’s also lacking in looks and taste.

8.  Paquirrín is the half brother of bullfighters Francisco Rivera and Cayetano Rivera (they share a father, but looks-wise, couldn’t be more different).

9.  Francisco dated model Blanca Romero briefly back in the ’90s.  However, in 2001, Cayetano married Blanca.  Their marriage lasted less than three years.

10.  Blanca is said to have had a brief affair with Sergio Ramos in 2007.

11.  Sergio dated Miss Spain 2006 Elisabeth Reyes for several months in the summer of 2007.

12.  It was rumored that Elisabeth and Francisco Rivera were dating back at the beginning of 2009 and there were pictures of them together.

13.  Meanwhile, Sergio Ramos dated actress Amaia Salamanca for several months in March 2009.  She was made famous through the Telecinco show, Sin Tetas No Hay Paraíso.

14.  Amaia was linked not once, but twice to Sergio’s teammate Iker Casillas.  The first time was back in the summer of 2007, when she was still dating Iker’s ex-teammate and Pig Noise frontman Álvaro Benito, and Iker was with Eva González (who will come up later).  The second time was in January of this year, when both were single.  Incidentally, Amaia was also linked to Guti, who is very good friends with Álvaro Benito.

15.  Iker and Miss Spain 2003 (sensing a theme here?) Eva González dated on and off for three years between 2005 and 2008.  They repeatedly broke up and got back together.  Eva is now a TV presenter for the Telecinco show Supervivientes.

16.  Eva’s current boyfriend is none other than Cayetano Rivera.

17.  Meanwhile, Iker’s current girlfriend is TV presenter Sara Carbonero.  She also works for Telecinco.  And if you believe the rumors, Cristiano Ronaldo also had his eye on her.

18.  Iker is said to have hooked up with model Ariadne Artiles at the end of 2008/beginning of 2009.

19.  Ariadne was also linked with Iker’s former teammate Miguel Torres after they sat together during a tennis match in May of 2009.

20.  Miguel, meanwhile, was linked with TV presenter and actress Patricia Conde in November 2009.  They were said to have been introduced by Iker Casillas.

21.  But he’s currently dating another TV presenter, Cristina Pedroche.  Cristina works on the same show as Patricia, Sé lo que hicisteis…

My head hurts too after all that!  What do you think?