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estoy ultra mou-tivado

December 2, 2010

Well, three good things have come out of the Barcelona-Madrid game from Monday.  One, a lot of people felt compelled to comment for the first time.  I hope you continue doing so!  Two, I’m really flattered to find out that I have culé readers!  I really didn’t think anyone other than Madrid fans would read my blog, and so I’ll do my best to make sure you all will feel welcome here.  And three, we got this hilarious episode of Crackòvia.  No matter what side you’re on, I think you’ll find it funny.

The episode started with the following warning:  “No Madrid players were harmed in the making of this program.  That was yesterday.” [The episode aired one day after the match, on Nov. 30.]

Pep: They’ll want to make us nervous, but I don’t want any provoking, is that clear?  We have to be gentlemanly with them…

Iniesta: It’s a good thing you warned us, because my blood is beginning to boil… well, are we going to start or what?

Mou: Hello, Don Pepito.

Pep: Hello, Don José.

Mou: We’re going to win in your house.

Pep: You’re never going to win here.

Mou: We’re going to make your grandmother cry (I’m guessing here… feel free to correct me.)

Pep: Shut up and play the game.

Mou: Goodbye, Don Pepito.

Pep: Goodbye, Don José.

Mou: Ah, and you can start preparing the sprinklers for after the game.

Iniesta: The truth is, he is a bit of a clown, that he is.

Iniesta: Jolín, vaya palo, ¿no?

Messi: But it hit the post.

Iniesta: No, I said what a disappointment [“vaya palo” can mean several different things], since we could be up 1-0 now.  But no worries, because today I am super-motivated [he actually said “ultra Mou-tivado].  For me, telling you a joke is the same as giving you an assist for a goal.  I’m a multitasker.  I can even tell you a joke and assist on a goal at the same time.  Watch.  ¿Sales minerales?  No, estoy castigado. [It’s a very bad joke, not worth explaining.]

Messi: Goal!!  I have good vibrations today.  Oh, it’s my mobile.  How annoying is La Cubero [sports journalist Cristina Cubero, from Mundo Deportivo].  Let’s go, we still have four left.  Let’s go…

CR: Give me the ball, quickly.

Pep: If I have to give it to you, I’ll give it, but giving it to you for the sake of giving it to you…

CR: Give it to me!

Pep: But, but why are you in such a hurry?  Why are you in a hurry?  Are you losing 5-0?  Look at this, where is the ball?  Here or here?  Where is the ball?  Here or here?

Iniesta: What are you doing!  Nobody pushes the míster!

Messi: Well, Eto’o did…

Iniesta: He’s not here any more, so be more careful, boy!

CR: Oh yeah?  And who’s going to stop me?

Iniesta: Shhh…  I already did it in the other clásico, so stay calm boy, stay calm.  And now, concentrate, concentrate.  Right… left… stick out your tongue…

Pep: ¡Ostras! Wow!  Can I try?  Sit down!  Go left!  Get out!  Andrés, that’s fantastic.  Does it work on all the Madrid players?

Iniesta: La verdad que sí… there’s no player that can resist me.

Özil: Can I take the ball?

Pep: Andrés!

Iniesta: Yes, concentrate, concen…

Özil: Left, right, left, right…. but give me the ball, you bastard!

Villa: Take that Mourinho, take that!  And you said I wasn’t capable of scoring on anyone!  And I’ve scored a pair of goals!

Mou: I have nothing to say, because… because I’m not Mourinho, I’m Preciado.  And Mourinho is a canalla.

Villa: My goals are marvellous, but your imitation is pathetic.

Mou: I’m not imitating anyone!  I’m really Preciado!   I’m from the same region as you!

Villa: How immature.

Mou: I’m not immature.

Sergio: Mou, Mou, Mou… this is stupid but they’ve just scored five on us.  What should we do now?

Mou: I already told you I’m not Mourinho, I don’t have anything to say.

Crowd/Villa/Iniesta: Mourinho, come out from the bench, come out.

Sergio: Wow, that’s really cool.  Can I sing with you all?

Villa: Well, you all have already spent 90 minutes singing the blues…

Sergio: Come on… ¡eo eo eo, esto es un chorreo!

Messi: ¡La concha de tu madre!  [See here.]

Sergio: But my mother’s name is not Concha.

Mou: But what are you doing?  I only told you to waste time!

Sergio: How was I to know?  Each time you whisper in my ear, it’s to tell me to get myself kicked out of the game, like against Ajax… Let’s see.  Where is Puyol?  I’m going to break his face!

Messi: You’re not touching Puyol, you understand?

Sergio: No?  But that’s what happened in the actual game!

Messi: But you can’t, because the same actor plays you and Puyol!  It would be like hitting yourself in the face!

Sergio: So in other words, if I want to break Puyol’s face, I would have to do it to myself.  Well, I’m going to break it.

Don’t bother me!

Ah, it’s true, he answered!

You’re worse than Queca!

What did he say?  That I’m worse than Queca?

Take that Queca!

In Andalucían or Catalán?

Shut up!

Children of Crackòvia, a lot of people say I’m stupid.  And as you saw yesterday…. or not.  Yes.

27 Comments leave one →
  1. Pammie permalink
    December 2, 2010 12:06

    Thanks for the translation!! I’ve already watched it without and it was funny, but knowing what they said exactly is even better. 😀

  2. December 2, 2010 12:26

    Yup, I’m one of those culé readers haha
    I think this blog is worth to read no matter what team do you support, latest news, gossiping… There shoul be a Barça blog like this one!

    Anyway, I looove Crackovia!! Best show ever, so funny.
    But I’d be a bit upset if I was a madridista though…

    • Tash permalink
      December 2, 2010 19:34

      I’m a madridista and I found it funny lol
      there comes a time when we have to move on 😉

    • barb permalink
      December 2, 2010 19:39

      There used to be a good Barca blog called Everyday Barca, but it doesn’t seem to get updated much any more.

    • Mer permalink
      December 2, 2010 20:31

      Nah, Madridistas here have a sense of humor. 😀

  3. Marie permalink
    December 2, 2010 12:41

    hey Una, a culé here…..i started off reading your con la roja blog and slowly drifted over here! jus wanted to say that i enjoy your articles and continue your good work. thank you!

  4. Yuki permalink
    December 2, 2010 12:58

    I’m glad to know you have some really nice culé readers (even though there are some trolls too). It just proves how amazing your blog is, you can read it and have fun no matter what club you support!

    Thank you for the translation!

  5. nicoole permalink
    December 2, 2010 13:39

    hey una, i started out reading the la roja blog as well but i find it so interesting that i read your madrid blog as well even though i’m a barca fan.i do like the players on the madrid team though..and i love this show so thanks for the translation.

  6. key permalink
    December 2, 2010 13:44

    lol!!! crackovia is super funny!! it was the truth why should we be angry? better days will come

  7. jean permalink
    December 2, 2010 14:06

    Well Im a madrisdista and NO Im not upset.It is all fun and games and I love Crackovia.We should be able to move on and concentrate on the rest of the competition and hopefully we will beat Valencia this saturday.
    ps I am very happy that this blog is getting the recognition that he deserves with so many newcomers.Thansk again for a wonderful job UNA.Also thanks again for translating :):):):):)

  8. Claire permalink
    December 2, 2010 16:25

    Another Cule here… Thanks for the translation, fashion report, gossip etc etc (literally everything on this blog).. I started with con la roja and found myself felling in love with your blogs!!
    Crackovia is super funny and it’s my biggest motivation of learning Spanish. (though I was told yesterday by a Spanish friend it’s actually Catalan they are speaking mostly..)

  9. True north strong and free permalink
    December 2, 2010 17:22

    Hey Una!!! Another cule here just thanking you for your welcome.

    I mostly come on here for the Crackovia translations and you haven’t failed to provide!!!

    And I also want to remind everyone out there that not all cules are the same 🙂

    Thank you for your great work

    Also Real is a wonderful team, I see great things ahead for you Madridstas!

  10. ChorreoLOVER! permalink
    December 2, 2010 17:33

    Once again, Mou proves that without that Portuguese ref and that volcano, nothing stops Pep from giving him a whooping. BTW, great blog Una. I mean it! To bad you’re not a culé, though. Call me whatever you want, we Barca fans deserve to rub it in coz you were the ones talking before the game, NOT US! Oezil, Ramos, Mou, Xabi etc… Like always, we do our talking on the pitch!

    HIGH FIVE to all Madridistas! Ser del Barca es el millor que hiha!

    • Sarah permalink
      December 4, 2010 06:58

      I guess you missed when Xavi and Pique dissed us to high heaven three times within a week before El Clasico.

  11. December 2, 2010 17:53

    LOL I saw it without translation and it was funny even while I did not understand exactly what they were saying, but the translation makes it even funnier, thanks!

    I love the thingy with Iniesta hypnotising the players, this actor is very funny! I adore Andres, he’s such a humble person and the show kinda shows it too, making it funny and yet not harmful (at least in the eposides I saw;-)) –

    and the thing with Sergio and Puyol – the same actor – L.O.L.!

  12. blitzen permalink
    December 2, 2010 22:25

    Another cule here. I come here mostly for the team news, the Xabi, and especially the Crackovia translations. Thanks, una!

    I deliberately stayed out of the “whose team was more mature” debate, because no one is going to win that. Foolish stuff was done on both sides and is best forgotten. If Puyol isn’t mad at Sergio, I have no right to be. (As long as he doesn’t touch my Xavi again, yo!)

    • Joy permalink
      December 4, 2010 01:07

      I firmly believe The Xabi transcends all divisions, even the Barca-Real one.

    • Liss permalink
      December 4, 2010 16:18

      I didn’t get involved either. I think footballers just get in the zone on the field and commit a lot of immature foolish acts. I don’t condone their foolishness (and both sides were guilty of that) but I do appreciate how passionate they are about football that they can get to that point. Believe me nothing is more frustrating to a sports fan than overpaid athletes who don’t give a shit.

  13. Lissete permalink
    December 2, 2010 22:27

    Haha I loved this! Iniesta isn’t my favorite character on this but I thought he was funny. Mou and Sergio are always entertaining. I wanted to see more from Cristiano though. Pep always makes me laugh with his weird facial expressions when he talks. I can’t understand him but I find him hilarious. I loved his facial expressions after Cristiano pushed him and Iniesta and Messi got in his face. Just a mixture of fear and gratitude that Iniesta was protecting him lol

  14. Bill permalink
    December 2, 2010 23:14

    Hahahahaha, that last bit! I was actually wondering how they would solve the problem of Sergio hitting Puyol when it’s the very same actor. Hilarious! Thank you so much for the translations, they’re priceless!

  15. mila_casillas permalink
    December 3, 2010 04:12

    Haha brilliant. This is what I like about Crackovia. They are diplomatic and manage to pick on both teams equally for the sake of laughter.

    Hm. Not sure how I feel about all the Cules popping out of the woodwork… Oh well. Freedom of information and all that.

  16. Paul Galactico permalink
    December 3, 2010 04:27

    I’m a Madridista. Just to say that I am because Barca posters outnumbering Madrid readers on this blog seems a bit funny no? I guess it’s understandable. Una’s a great blogger!

    BTW, hilarious Crackovia!!

    • mila_casillas permalink
      December 4, 2010 03:20

      I feel like I ought to go spy on a Barca blog just for the heck of it now. Luckily for me I have better things to do. >:-P

  17. December 3, 2010 10:27

    stopping by here just to check the new great job of yours in translating Crackovia as I always did. and then do the thing: ROFL

    just saying, for those who looking for some doze of Crackovia with the best English translation, I repeat.. The BEST, just come and sit your ass tight on this great site. 😀 she’ll never disappoint you!! nunca!!


  18. Liss permalink
    December 4, 2010 16:14

    Hey I’m another Cule, but I do stan for (and fangirl over) a couple of Madrid players (and they’re a team I like to keep track of ~keep my enemies closer ;-)) so I’ve found your blog both useful and entertaining. I was led here by Crackovia, and you’re right this episode is hilarious. Anyway I hope you keep this blog going.

  19. Tyr permalink
    December 5, 2010 12:45

    ¿Sales minerales? No, estoy castigado.

    Pleeease someone explain this, I don’t care if it’s bad, I want to know the meaning! 😀


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