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porfa porfa porfa…

December 8, 2010

Crackòvia is once again so brilliant.  I love how they interpreted the latest in the worlds of Madrid and Barcelona for pure comedic gold.

Cris: Then I see that idiot Piqué, and he takes the ball away from me.  I fall to the ground.  But the referee doesn’t blow the whistle.  And I’m there, on the ground, with the face of an ugly baby!  And once again I couldn’t score against Barça.

Psychologist: Uy, I still don’t have any idea.  You have to explain more, so please continue…

Cris: Since when do you speak to me in Catalán?

Psychologist: Excuse me, but what are you saying?  I’m talking to you in castellano…

Cris: Oh no, I’m going crazy…

Psychologist: No, no, lately I’ve had a lot of patients with that symptom…

Psychologist: Lately I’ve had a lot of patients with that symptom…

Iker: Yes, but before it was the spirit of Juanito that appeared to me at night.  And now, only Guardiola appears!  And he’s still alive!  And at times, and at times, I see Messis!  What’s happening to me?  I see Villas, Xavis… this is horrible!

Psychologist: We’ll find out now.  Let’s see, what do you see here?

Iker: Pressure, eyes, a lot of eyes!  A lot of eyes looking at me!  Oh no, wait!  It’s just Özil.  Özil, looking at me.

Psychologist: Very good, and what do you see here?

Iker: The boobs of my girlfriend Sara.

Psychologist: Really?  Very interesting.  And what about this?

Iker: The boobs of my girlfriend Sara, after her operation.  [Jajaja!!!]

Psychologist: And in this one?

Iker: The post-operation boobs of my girlfriend, seen from afar.

Psychologist: What do you see here?

Cris: Valdés stopping one of my shots.

Psychologist: And in this one?

Cris: Me pushing Guardiola, that idiot.

Psychologist: I congratulate you, you have excellent vision.

Cris: So what about my obsession with Barça?

Psychologist: Nothing can be cured so quickly in one cycle, so you’ll feel better in 10 or 15 years.

Cris: Ten or 15 years?  But I won’t be playing then!

Psychologist: I’m sorry, but our time is up. I’ll see you next week, I have a lot of patients waiting.

If you didn’t know, there was chaos in Spain’s airports this past weekend because air traffic controllers went on strike, and many airports either shut down or reduced their flights, and hundreds of flights were canceled.  This also affected the Liga, because teams had to travel to their away games.  For example, Hércules had to take a bus from Alicante to A Coruña, which meant 1,000 km and 14 hours.  Barcelona was scheduled to play Osasuna in Pamplona, and here’s a summary of what happened.  That will help you to understand the next two skits.

Rosell: Yes?  The Federation?  How strange, he has the same voice as the man from AENA [the Spanish airport authority].

Mou: Yes, on the telephone all voices sound alike.  I just wanted to know if it would be alright with all of you if you played tomorrow at 17h.

Rosell: Tomorrow at 17h?  Ok, I agree.

Reporter: Sorry, sorry, I didn’t want to be in that skit, it was Pochettino [Espanyol’s coach] who pushed me, I’m leaving now, leaving now.

Mou: What I said before.  The stupidity of Guardiola arriving late to play shows that there is one set of rules for me and another for everyone else.

Sergio: How about we go to another field and let’s see if we also arrive late?

Mou: No.  You’re punished and you’re going to stay here.  You’re going to write 1,000 times, “no me expulsarán si no me lo pida el míster” (they won’t expel me if the míster doesn’t ask me to).”

Sergio: (can’t spell the words in Spanish).

Two hours later.

Sergio: How do you spell expulsarán?

Guti: How great is the Guti cueva!

Sergio: Gutiérrez!  What’s up?

Guti: Hey!  Istanbul to Madrid, without air traffic controllers!  Weah!

Sergio: Guti, where are you going like that?

Guti: Dressed like this, I’m either Portuguese or Vicente del Bosque at the beach.  It’s so that Mourinho will think I’m Portuguese, and sign me in the winter transfer market.

Mou: 2-0, 2-0!!!!  Against Valencia.  I’m still undefeated at home.  I’m still undefeated in the Champions.  I’m not surprised that people are envious of me, but like my grandmother said, be happy if they envy you.

Mou: And who is this?

Sergio: This is a Portuguese who wants to sign with Madrid, but I… don’t know him.

Mou: Your face looks familiar.  Are you sure you’re Portuguese?

Guti: Yes, José María Gutianga, weah!  Nice to meet you.

Mou: Do you like bacalao (codfish)?

Guti: He’s asking me if I like bacalao (slang for techno music).  Yes, I love it, especially this bacalao… pim pam pim pam…

Mou: Who should coach Portugal? 

Guti: Mourinho.

Mou: 100% Portuguese!  Signed!  Training session at eight tomorrow morning!

Guti: At eight in the morning?  But with Pellegrini we started at 12 and I thought that was early!  Today is Saturday and there are parties!

Mou: Guti!

Guti: Well, I’m off.  Today there is a big party in Istanbul and there aren’t any alcohol controls there.

Sergio: Drive carefully!

Guti: Are you my mother?  You make it sound like I’m going to crash into a bus!  Sergio, are you coming?

Sergio: Míster, míster. Since I’m suspended and I can’t play against Auxerre, can I go with him?  Please please please…

9 Comments leave one →
  1. RealLisa permalink
    December 8, 2010 14:28

    Jajajaja omg this is soo funny! Thanks Una!

  2. jean permalink
    December 8, 2010 15:33

    Thank u so much for the translation:):):):).These guys are brilliant:):):):):).I wonder if some of the players watch crackovia, lol they should:):):)

  3. Linda permalink
    December 8, 2010 15:48

    My God, they get on these stories quick! Thanks for the translation – brightens my day every time!

  4. Marie permalink
    December 8, 2010 16:25

    “no me expulsarán si no me lo pida el míster”
    LOL! I love this show! It’s too bad they don’t air it here so thanks Una for sharing these 🙂

  5. Ange permalink
    December 8, 2010 17:45

    *lmao* BEST THING EVER!!!! I knew they were going make fun of Guti …for crashing into a bus… Thanx UNA!!!!

  6. Bekah permalink
    December 8, 2010 19:07

    Hahahahaaaaa thanks for the translation

  7. Lily permalink
    December 8, 2010 19:15

    Thank you so much for the translation, Una- we would miss out completely on the fun that is Crackòvia without you!

  8. emily permalink
    December 8, 2010 20:24

    They sure didn’t leave Guti’s little situation alone, did they? 8-o

  9. December 8, 2010 23:04

    Una! Did you heard about the latest new?
    Kaka will be father of a little girl! His wife is in the 4th month of pregnancy.
    Kaka’s tweet:

    and his wife’s tweet:

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