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este año he sido un futbolista muy, muy bueno

January 5, 2011
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Not a lot of Madrid in this week’s Crackòvia, since the team played on Monday, the same day that this program airs (although the character of Piqué did manage to make a reference to “enlightened persons” as Mou had on Sunday.  But we did get this cute little skit featuring Cristiano writing to the Three Kings (Iniesta had earlier asked for the Ballon d’Or, and to be tanner).

Balthasar: Look, Cristiano’s letter!  Let’s see what he asked for…

Cristiano: Dear Three Kings… Melchior, Caspar and… what is the name of the king that looks like Lass Diarra?  Balta… Balta… Balthasar!  Balthasar.

I write you all this letter to tell you that this year, I have been a very, very good footballer.  Much better than that ugly Messi.  Take that, Pulga!

That’s why I ask you for a Ferrari with 2,500 horsepower… no, I already have three in the garage.

A 50,000 square meter mansion in La Moraleja… no.

A helicopter… no, a jet aircraft would be better.

What a dilemma… I already have everything!  Having so much money is such a drama!

Now I know what I want!  I want you to bring me the Ballon d’Or won this year by that idiot from Barça.  And I also want to be the champion of the Copa, Liga and Champions (clap, clap).  And I also want the Pichichi trophy!  And the Zamora trophy!  I want everything!

Balthasar: Everything, everything and everything.

Cristiano: Who are you?

Balthasar: I am Balthasar.

Cristiano: Who?

Balthasar: The king who looks like Lass Diarra.

Cristiano: Ahhh, and did you bring me everything I asked you for in the letter?

Balthasar: Everything, and everything.

Cristiano: Yay!  That means that I won the Ballon d’Or!

But isn’t this package too small to fit a Liga, a Champions and all that?

Balthasar: Well, I didn’t bring you the trophies, I brought you a magic object with which you can achieve up to six titles in one season.

Cristiano: Really?  What is it?  A magic wand?

Balthasar: No, open it.

Cristiano: What is this?  I asked you for trophies and you brought me this?

Balthasar: It appears that you didn’t understand me Cristiano.  You won’t win any titles until you put on this shirt.

Cristiano: You’re not a king, you’re nothing!  You’re an imposter!  You didn’t come from the Orient!  The kings would never bring me a Barça shirt.

Balthasar: What do you mean?  This year, the kings came precisely from the Orient… they came from Qatar.  [Love it!]

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14 Comments leave one →
  1. IsaBella permalink
    January 5, 2011 11:49

    ha ha ha ha I love it 🙂 Cristiano is the greatest player to make fun of 🙂 BTW it is pretty sad that it’s always Barca that is seen as the best team in the world, sadly it is probably true.
    I also like the name of the program – Crackovia – a very nice advertisement for Poland 🙂

    • Kate permalink
      January 5, 2011 12:27

      Well, it *is* a Catalan show, so naturally they’d portray Barca as the best team…Whether it is, well, that’s for everyone to decide for themselves (:

      Thank you Una for the translation!

      • IsaBella permalink
        January 5, 2011 12:42

        I didn’t know that it was a Catalan show, thanks 🙂

        • Kate permalink
          January 5, 2011 13:47

          np (: On a somewhat related note, there used to be a “madridista version” of Crackovia by Telemadrid, which had some flattering/positive songs about Mou and how la decima will happen this year, etc., in case you’re interested (they have since cancelled the show, but there are quite a few clips on youtube)

        • IsaBella permalink
          January 5, 2011 15:34

          I have seen some of Crackovia clips on you tube and they were very funny 🙂

  2. January 5, 2011 18:15

    Do they realise they are sort of inadvertently saying that if Cristiano joined Barca, he’d be their best player?!

    As, the King is basically saying to get everything you want (Ballon D’or, Pichici, todo). Join Barca and you’ll get it! Which I take to mean, Messi wouldn’t… hee :-p

  3. Ange permalink
    January 5, 2011 19:49

    *lmao* 😛 Thanx Una!!! your the best … I love the show!!! 🙂 & yea Crackovia is a Catalunya show for those who didn’t know…Thats why they are a little bias…

  4. January 5, 2011 20:16

    Hahaha, Qatar!

  5. January 6, 2011 01:39

    i liked it until they mentioned Qatar which makes me really sad since im American and i wanted my beautiful beautiful country to host the 2022 wc.
    anyways that was so funny ” tener tanta pasta es un drama” lol
    el que se parece a lass diarra lol i love crackovia

  6. January 6, 2011 01:41

    ” que rollo tener tanta pasta es un drama ”
    best quote ever lol

  7. hmph permalink
    January 6, 2011 01:51

    anyone find this a little offensive? i mean the whole Lass thing and the bit about the orient/qatar…maybe i’m a little too PC but the Spanish are still pretty racist, and openly at that.

    • IsaBella permalink
      January 6, 2011 12:48

      I agree with you. It makes me laugh but on the other hand you could consider it racist.

    • Kate permalink
      January 6, 2011 16:42

      IDK really; I’m not too hot on the Lass bit, but I thought the Qatar reference was pretty funny as Barca’s new shirt sponsors are the Qatar Foundation (which is headed by a Qatar royal) and they did ‘bring’ a lot of money, so to speak

  8. January 7, 2011 18:12

    LOOOOL I love this show. Thank you so much for translating.

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