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a season’s worth of Mouisms

May 26, 2011
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Well, we just finished a very interesting season, not the least of which were the Mouisms!  So, I thought I’d take a look back at some of my favorites.  This is just a sampling, because there are just too many golden sound bites throughout the course of the season to include.  Let me know which of the below are your favorites, or if it wasn’t included!

Game against Club América, Aug. 4, to Di María:

You, wake up, you’re making me look bad!

Interview with AS, Sept. 1, on what he can accomplish with Madrid:

Look, I’m a coach, I’m not Harry Potter.  He’s magical, but in reality magic doesn’t exist.  Magic is fiction and I live for football, which is real.

Game against Real Sociedad, Sept. 18, to Sergio Ramos, and the team:

Carvalho, Marcelo and Pepe played very well.

How can a team that was just promoted dominate us like that?  We haven’t even had a shot at the goal!  I don’t recognize any of you.

Press conference, Oct. 2, defending himself when asked why players no longer give press conferences:

In September, I allowed the press to view five complete training sessions, or in other words, 450 minutes.  And the journalists were allowed access to 15 minutes of 10 other sessions, or 150 minutes more.  In total, 600 minutes, or 10 hours that were open to the press.  In addition, there were 16 press conferences, seven of mine and also those of Casillas, Cristiano, Higuaín, Xabi Alonso, Granero, Khedira, Carvalho, Arbeloa and Benzema, plus six more after games, as well as those in the mixed zone after games.  This week, which you all called “the silent week,” there were interviews, press conferences and public events with me, Benzema, Xabi Alonso, Sergio Ramos and Pepe.  Tell me, what other club does this?  My intention was not to distance the team from the press.  You all are privileged people.

Press conference, Oct. 18:

If we win, the next day will be Wednesday.  If we lose, the next day will be Wednesday.

Post-game press conference, Oct. 23, on the upcoming Copa del Rey game:

 If there’s a repeat of last year [i.e. the Alcorconazo], I will eliminate those players who played from my list and they’ll be dead to me.

Press conference, Oct. 24, on the upcoming Copa del Rey game:

If those who play don’t play well, on Saturday I’m going to fill the bench with Castilla players.

Press conference, Nov. 28:

If Madrid wins, the next day will be Tuesday.  If Madrid loses, the same.

Press conference, Dec. 11, on a referee who criticized Cristiano as a diver:

He’s an intelligent referee because intelligent people know how to get themselves into the spotlight.  One of those ways is to talk about Cristiano and it appears that Larsen understood this.  CR is a top player, but the referee in question is very normal, no one will remember him when he retires.

Post-game press conference, Dec. 12, on his tactics:

The dog and cat refer to the tactical system, not players.  The dog is playing with three forwards and a reference, with more aggression.  The cat is playing with a 4-4-2 system, without a reference, less offensive and with greater control.  I thought everyone was intelligent enough to understand what I was saying, but they believed that Gonzalo was the dog and Karim was that cat.  It’s not like that.

Press conference, Dec. 18, on what note he’d give himself:

If I had to rate myself on a scale of one to 10, I’d give myself a 11.

Post-game press conference, Dec. 19, following the game against Sevilla:

I wouldn’t have paid one euro to watch this game.  If I were at home, I would have changed the channel to watch a Vietnamese football game.

Interview with “El Partido de las 12,” Feb. 17, on what God thinks of him:

He has to think that I’m an amazing guy, because otherwise he wouldn’t give me so much… He’s helped me achieve so many things that He has to think highly of me.

Post-game press conference, April 2, following the game against Sporting:

That’s football and tomorrow is Sunday.

Post-game press conference, April 5, on the sanctions and fines handed down by UEFA for the incidents during the Ajax game:

I’m very proud of being the only coach in the world to have been sanctioned for doing this.

Post-game press conference, April 16, in response to the journalists who walked out on Aitor Karanka:

Well then, I don’t have to respond.  According to your philosophy, if you all refuse to speak to my assistant, then I should only speak your directors.

Press conference, April 26, on Pep Guardiola and the criticizing of referees:

Now, with Pep’s declarations the other day, a new era has started, with a third group, made up of only Pep Guardiola: a group that criticizes the correct decisions of the referee, which is something I’ve never seen in my life… this is a group that criticized a linesman for making a correct and difficult decision.

Post-game press conference, April 28, on the game that just happened:

If I say what I’m thinking, my career would end…. sometimes football makes me sick… winning a Champions League like Barcelona had would embarrass me.

Why does the same thing happen to me in each semifinal?  Ovrebo, De Bleeckere, Bussaca, Frisk, Stark… why?  Why didn’t they allow us to play against them?  Why was Pepe expelled?  Why didn’t they blow the four penalties against Chelsea?  Why was Thiago Motta expelled?  Why was Robin van Persie expelled?  Why?  I don’t understand why.  I don’t know if it’s because they have UNICEF on their shirts, or the power of (Ángel) Villar in UEFA, or if they’re nice guys, but I just don’t understand.  Why does a team of this dimension need this help?  My question is why.

And a couple of random ones, from early on in this season:

To Benzema, during a training session:

If it were up to you, I would start training sessions at 12, because at 10 you’re asleep and at 11 you’re still asleep.

To Morata:

Get up, in English football they wouldn’t even blow the whistle for that.

By now, I’m sure you’re all aware that Jorge Valdano is no longer part of the Real Madrid team.  He was basically fired by FP following a board meeting yesterday, despite still having two years remaining on his contract.  FP said in a press conference that the team had decided to end their contractual relationship with Jorge Valdano, because Mourinho demanded more autonomy, and the club was willing to reorganize itself to meet his demands and implement a structure that will also serve for the future.  He refused to reveal how much it is costing the club to fire Valdano.

Valdano, in his press conference a bit later on, reaffirmed what everyone knew, that it’s been a while since he last spoke to Mourinho, other than greetings.  He said he didn’t believe there was any reason why an abyss was opened up between the two, just a difference in ideas that was exacerbated by the press.  He revealed that his responsibilities were gradually reduced and that he didn’t feel comfortable in that situation, especially after Mou rejected his proposal of a meeting to air things out.  Valdano also said that “if this is to be perceived as a confrontation, then Florentino Pérez has clearly shown who the winner of this fight is.”

This of course means that Mou will obtain more power, so I guess we’ll have to wait and see how that turns out.  Several media sources are reporting that Zinedine Zidane may become the new sporting director, responsible for the first and second team.  He’ll also travel with the team from now on to all games, not just Champions League games.  And as FP said in his press conference, the organization that the board approved incorporates all the general sporting functions into the area directed by José Ángel Sánvchez, with the coach to have “total responsibility.”  Mou will also be the “sporting spokesperson.”  FP also said that they’re not contemplating bringing in Hierro or Figo at the moment, and that the only position that will disappear is that of Valdano.

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26 Comments leave one →
  1. May 26, 2011 16:06

    i love the one to di Maria

  2. May 26, 2011 16:12

    Una, i’ve read rumors that Hierro might come back and replace Valdano, what do you think of it? :”DDD

  3. Sarah, Madrid permalink
    May 26, 2011 16:21

    haha, I love the one in Lyon a UCL game when he asked Higuain, did he ever play in quarter final! See this is a top quality player we are talking about :).
    I am wondering if “Firday” the song was inspired by Mourinho, tomorrow is tuesday!

    About Valdano, good! Finally he is out, regardless of his problems with Jose, this guy should have been out long time ago. After Mourinho now he will has more power, it is a good thing why? if anything happen it will on his hand only and that’s it. I want Hierro back, I miss him!

    • Shelly permalink
      May 28, 2011 01:14

      I was thinking that too! I was wondering if Rebecca Black is Mou’s inspiration 😛

  4. emily permalink
    May 26, 2011 16:28

    Mou is a highly intelligent, strong willed, persuasive entity. I hope the polemics are over with and Mou and Zizou can really make things work for the coming year. It almost appears as if Zizou has been groomed to take over the position in between FP and TSO, no?

  5. superfan permalink
    May 26, 2011 16:33

    This was the news that greeted me when I woke up. To be honest, this doesn’t come of as a surprise to me but it doesn’t mean it’s good news nor is it bad news. I just hope that whatever is happening internally, it will all be for the good of the club, and not just for some people. Hopefully, it will all be worth it in the end.

    And I do hope that it’ll be Zidane that would take over Valdano’s place. 🙂

    Mou’s Harry Potter reference never gets old. Haha. My favorite will always be the ones where he’d say that the next day is still *whatever that day is* whether we win or lose. And Benzema has come a long way from that quote! Haha.

  6. Stella permalink
    May 26, 2011 16:45

    This post was lovely, just love Mou sometimes. My favorit is the one he told everyone about the hunting with cat or a dog thing. Benzema then after get a lot of Kitten nicknames like War Kitten. Still think Benz have the elegance of a cat everytime I see him.

    I have never heard that one with Benzema: “If it were up to you, I would start training sessions at 12, because at 10 you’re asleep and at 11 you’re still asleep”. I could see my trainer say the same thing to me.

    Thanks for a funny post and your amazing blog!

  7. M'lynda permalink
    May 26, 2011 16:50

    I really liked the “why, Why did he take it” comments he made when Sergio took the penalty kick

    • Jenny permalink
      May 28, 2011 02:31

      That was the best – he was so genuinely flummoxed!

  8. Alex, Sweden permalink
    May 26, 2011 17:01

    My favourite is clearly that one when he refused to talk to media since they left instead of talking to Aitor.
    Reason? Because it was so damn right to do that, media was acting like fools and that was pure mean to Aitor.
    Great dont by Mourinho and a nice quote.

    Good post as allways Una!

    /Sweden, Alex!

  9. amouria permalink
    May 26, 2011 17:42

    This one speaks of all: “I’m very proud of being the only coach in the world to have been sanctioned for doing this.”
    Of course all his sayings are more than interesting.

    Valdana being fired…This perhaps will put more pressure on Mou. He now got the privilege of signing new players (choosing them, convincing them and getting them by the least price possible). He also become the sport spokesman of RM, etc, etc. FP expects a lot and I wish MOu will be able to deliver…I trust he will, so too our players…
    Una: I appreciate this post a lot, thanks..

  10. asma permalink
    May 26, 2011 17:51

    I like the first one on Di Maria and the Harry Potter..haha

    Regarding Valdano, I was reading about him last week or the week before when he was asked whether he would leave RM in the summer and he denied the rumour vehemently. Suddenly the rumour becomes true! I wish they speak the truth from the start. I don’t like these kind of rumours and dislike it even more when they become reality. It is like living in a lie only to be proven in the end that the lie is the truth. I think I’m exaggerating but that’s how I feel.

    Thanks very much Una for these bits and pieces.

    Have A Great Summer..to you Una and everyone..

  11. May 26, 2011 18:27

    If it were up to you, I would start training sessions at 12, because at 10 you’re asleep and at 11 you’re still asleep. – SMACK – ouch poor Karim.

    I’m not going to say a thing about Valdano other than I couldn’t stand his guts. And that after this, I hope to hell Mou delivers next season AND that he sticks around for more than a year with us.

  12. thisperson permalink
    May 26, 2011 21:20

    the one about pep and the new group of coaches was definitely the best one. i always laugh at this 😀

    Mou is crazy. like a mad professor sometimes …

  13. gaelle permalink
    May 26, 2011 21:30

    oops i feel bad for valdano

  14. black widow permalink
    May 27, 2011 00:22

    They certainly are going to great lengths to keep mou happy, aren’t they? So much for those who thought he would leave after one year.

    Mou sure does like to announce the days of the week during his pressers, huh? ;p

  15. cisarovna permalink
    May 27, 2011 05:51

    I was wondering what you were going to say about Valdano’s departure, and yet again Una keeps it classy. They say sometimes the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t, but I like to see the world through rose colored glasses, so I am hoping for the best. Only time will tell!

  16. May 27, 2011 07:18

    hm, Valdano leaving, can’t say I’m disappointed but still a tad worried that it has come to this. hehe all the talk about what day the next day of the week is is reminding me of that Rebecca Black song, but Mou is the original!

  17. Buckhum permalink
    May 27, 2011 10:31

    Mounopoly!
    The Special One now has unlimited access to transfer funds, among other privileges.

  18. LaBlanca permalink
    May 27, 2011 12:20

    Mou es el puto amo!!!! 🙂

  19. Beta permalink
    May 28, 2011 01:51

    My favourite was one to Albiol: “Albiol, estás durmiendo?” XD

  20. May 28, 2011 10:22

    1- I love Mou, despite still having some reservations on certain things that he said. To make it clear, sometimes I think he should tone it down a little, not because he is not saying the truth or saying things against certain teams but because it may not be beneficial to the team or club .Diverting attention to himself and heating things up is good but it does not always work.

    2- Other than that, I love his press conferences and everything Una posted is just wonderful. The guy sure knows how to captivate an audience with all these gems coming out of his foxy special mouth 🙂

    3- My favourites are the Harry Potter one, what the next day will be if we win or lose, God loves him, giving himself an 11, what he said to Benzema, UEFA sanctions, what he told journalists who walked out on Karanka… hahaha I guess all of them!

    4- Regarding Valdano, I thought he was a waste of money even before Mou arrived so I don’t care. What worries me is that he might talk a lot of shit mainly about Mou after sometime but as a former player I hope he respects the club even if he doesn’t agree with Mou or Flo.

  21. RealLisa permalink
    May 28, 2011 13:23

    My favorite: “One of my faults is that I’m not a hypocrite in a world full of hypocrites.”

    And is it too much to ask for Del Boske now, when Valdano is out? *blink, blink*

  22. Diana permalink
    May 30, 2011 17:26

    My favorite MOUment of the season was when he said “Su papa siempre lo defiende.” It just warmed my heart. :3

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